Sunday, October 14, 2007

Raw Love


Can Raw Foodies Love Cooked-Food "Infidels"?

This is a really important consideration when it comes to raw food. If you begin your path to raw food on your own and experience the breakthrough point of boundless energy, clarity, and wellness, the idea of dating someone that might take that "raw food high" away from you can be very influential when looking for a mate.

I hear stories about women (usually) who take on raw food with considerable opposition from their male partners. My heart really goes out to these poor souls. Their men want to eat what they were trained to eat, and to change their diet to "rabbit food" is a direct assault to their manhood. I honestly don't know how or even if they could truly succeed with making the transition, especially living with other family members who are still stuck in the cooked-food matrix.

For me, it was more about veganism at first. How could I truly love someone that would consciously eat the dead flesh of a drugged, stressed, tortured, and murdered animal? An animal that did no harm to anyone...an animal that had feelings and could feel pain. I couldn't give my unconditional love to someone that could support that. Despite this SERIOUSLY limiting the available field of potential mates, I really didn't mind. I felt that solitude was better than the former option. Now...this is just MY OPINION in regards to a LIFE PARTNER. Not friends or anything more casual like that. LIFE PARTNER. Can two different viewpoints on eating animals exist in the long terms between partners?

I don't want any of my cooked food friends to assume that I'm totally judging them and instantly incriminating them for their eating habits. I was there too. I was eating whatever was appealing, and whatever I was trained to eat throughout my youth. The body was an amusement park, not a temple. I wasn't asking the real question yet...which is..."Why do I believe the things that I believe?" "Why do I eat and crave the things that I do?"

Was I "fed" the truth from someone else? I hadn't started thinking for myself until after I left the distractions of business school and solid work. Some could call it "waking up", but it was simply giving myself the mental calmness to ask some of the harder questions. Whether is was food, religion, or general lifestyle habits.

So...back to Raw Love. Luckily for me, my girlfriend is vegan, and usually she is 95%-100% raw. She's lucky though...living in Hong Kong where coconuts are fresh and cost 40 cents, fresh durians, mangoes, and other tropical asian fruits are everywhere, and you can get organic greens delivered to your door from the countryside for 1/2 the price of here in the states. By the way, her skin is absolutely beautiful since going raw, and she is in the best shape of her life.

If you are a vegan/raw foodist, could you still marry someone who ate meat? Someone who kills their food through cooking and wonders why they get sick all the time? Would this become annoying to a raw foodist? Could you respect that person enough to become their life partner?

I think this leads to raw-foodies looking for love in more friendly spots. Yoga centers, farmer's markets, raw food restaurants, and raw meetup groups....you get the idea. Especially for the social aspect, being raw is HARD. I was invited to a comedy club last night, but with a two drink/appetizer minimum, I'm surely not going to waste my money to poison myself. I'll rent something on netflix or read a book instead. Or better yet, go somewhere more friendly and enjoy myself there.

You don't truly realize how pervasive the slow-motion-suicide habits of the masses are until you step away from them. I would say that almost every single social outing involves the eating or drinking of gluey, acidic poisons that strip our connection away from our pure raw food feelings.

This all may sound extremely militant, but if you go raw for 2-3 weeks and make the breakthough, then you have a right to make an opinion. After the breakthrough, you feel so alive and so happy that the idea of losing it is simply not an option anymore. I had lost the feeling because I went back and forth for a long time, and getting back to where I was became my prime concern. It takes you away from those old experiences you had with friends and family like sitting around an extra-large pizza and eating buffalo wings, or eating birthday cake that's washed down with soda for your little sister's birthday. But is it worth it? Go raw and answer the question for yourself. For me, I think we should have reached the level in our consciousness where we dont have to murder defenseless animals, especially when we know that its not meant for us as food.

So when finding a mate, you have to ask yourself what is really important in that potential someone...can you fully admire and respect them for the way they live their life, or would you prefer to be alone for a little while longer while searching for someone more in line with your lifestyle? And eating together as a couple is a big deal...how would you cope?

We are lucky though, there are such good networks to bring us together. Many of them didn't even exist a year ago. We should all have little patches on our sleeves to weed out those that still prefer to eat animal carcasses. It would save quite a lot of time, frustration, and money as well.

Oh yes...and about the rabbit food? Its gorilla food. Get it right.



14 comments:

Doug said...

Tonight my wife and I celebrated our 12 year wedding anniversary. She is SAD and I'm now 100% RAW! Tonight I had my last cooked food meal with my wife!

Where will we be in a year from now or even 6 months from now? Hmmm.............good question!

I'm sure she'll do her best to follow my lead. I've been gently feeding her information about the benefits of RAW food. She fasted with me for 4 days not too long ago and had great results. I was very proud of her.

Thanks for your postings! I enjoy reading your blog.

Anonymous said...

I understand why dating a person that eats meat wouldn't be an option for you. It wasn't for me either, I became a vegan when I was 15 and at the time I'd never had a boyfriend. I wanted one desperately but guys didn't pay attention to me. Then I started to realize that this is actually a blessing in disguise. I was young enough to be picky and just dating someone because they are nice and cute wasn't a reason to let anyone be that close to me. I started figuring out what I wanted out of a relationship, something deep and meaningful. Someone who thought about the world and how they could change it starting with themselves. But that is pretty hard to find at 15 and I didn't find it until I was 20. I got pretty lonely sometimes and tried to pretend that it wouldn't be a big deal but it really would be. I would rather be by myself for the rest of my life than to compromise my beliefs and personal morals. Luckily I won't have to because I found a vegan guy that feels the same way that I do and we've been married for 5 years now. I feel better knowing that I didn't compromise myself because being lonely is hard. Its just not worth it.

Anonymous said...

Eating habits or lifestyle can be whatever you want them to be. I am a vegan who is married with a kid to a meat eater. You want to know how much it effects me? Close to NONE. That is the thing about life. You can put up a forcefield around you and only let the likeminded people enter your area (follow my metaphors). OR, you can constantly learn about yourself and what you believe it, try to educate your loved ones and strive for continued personal growth. You might meet the person of your dreams and fate has brought you two together all to find out that he/she is a meat eater. Does that change fate, or are you an angel in disguise? Maybe you dont completely change them to your thought but living together and being happy with the soul that you have found remains strong. You need to be able to grow together. You are at a spot on your timetable that is different then it was 5 years ago. If you met your partner back then and you have since changed your values, then do you drop them? Of course not, that is life and you just find a way to be happy but it doesnt change the fact that they are your soul mate. Is there anything wrong with spending hours together growing your organic garden, drinking wheat grass juice, and being green friendly while at the same time your partner would like to enjoy the free range beef we grow out in our field. And what about our natural chickens and natural eggs we get out back on our farm? I dont eat the meat but find no problem with my wife eating it. We are happy, love each other, and are very compatable. Dont let things be bigger then they are. Bottom line, be happy. Dont over react about things that might not have the effect on a relationship that you think they will. Just listen, and respect what they say. You might not agree with it or make it good for you, but it might be just as easy to let it go when you hear why it works for them. Just think.....where are you in your life, your progress in personal growth? Now think where were you 5 years ago. Would someone have passed you by as a close friend or partner because of your lifestyle back then only to have lost out on an opportunity to be with the now RAWMODEL? Part if being open minded is to understand that you can have an effect on whoever you meet, and not to be too judgemental on those who dont think like you because they just might be on a differnt ride then you! If you are too closeminded, you might be passing up the soul mate of your time.

Anonymous said...

Eating habits or lifestyle can be whatever you want them to be. I am a vegan who is married with a kid to a meat eater. You want to know how much it effects me? Close to NONE. That is the thing about life. You can put up a forcefield around you and only let the likeminded people enter your area (follow my metaphors). OR, you can constantly learn about yourself and what you believe it, try to educate your loved ones and strive for continued personal growth. You might meet the person of your dreams and fate has brought you two together all to find out that he/she is a meat eater. Does that change fate, or are you an angel in disguise? Maybe you dont completely change them to your thought but living together and being happy with the soul that you have found remains strong. You need to be able to grow together. You are at a spot on your timetable that is different then it was 5 years ago. If you met your partner back then and you have since changed your values, then do you drop them? Of course not, that is life and you just find a way to be happy but it doesnt change the fact that they are your soul mate. Is there anything wrong with spending hours together growing your organic garden, drinking wheat grass juice, and being green friendly while at the same time your partner would like to enjoy the free range beef we grow out in our field. And what about our natural chickens and natural eggs we get out back on our farm? I dont eat the meat but find no problem with my wife eating it. We are happy, love each other, and are very compatable. Dont let things be bigger then they are. Bottom line, be happy. Dont over react about things that might not have the effect on a relationship that you think they will. Just listen, and respect what they say. You might not agree with it or make it good for you, but it might be just as easy to let it go when you hear why it works for them. Just think.....where are you in your life, your progress in personal growth? Now think where were you 5 years ago. Would someone have passed you by as a close friend or partner because of your lifestyle back then only to have lost out on an opportunity to be with the now RAWMODEL? Part if being open minded is to understand that you can have an effect on whoever you meet, and not to be too judgemental on those who dont think like you because they just might be on a differnt ride then you! If you are too closeminded, you might be passing up the soul mate of your time.

Anonymous said...

I believe that it is fate that I realized that I didn't want to compromise at the age that I did. How cool is it that i'll never be with anyone else besides my vegan husband? I didn't really have to go through the dating process to find the right one, sure it took a little longer than I wanted but its water under the bridge now. I've found my soulmate and if I hadn't i'd suck it up and move on because I don't want to compromise on something like this. It's too much apart of me and if I couldn't find someone that felt the same way as I do AND we fall in love so be it. But if that happened who is to say that I wouldn't be happy by myself or that I was meant to be by myself. I'm not the kind of person that wants to be by myself for the rest of my life but if I had a dog and a cat and my friends i'd be happy. I don't see it as being judgemental, I have a ton of friends who eat meat and I love them all dearly. But when it comes to someone that i'm going to be very close to and be with day in and day out for the rest of my life I think its OK to be a little picky. Of course we don't agree on everything, but the core is there which is all that matters. We can get through anything else if the core is there and we have gotten through a lot. The fact of this is that I would find a huge problem with my mate eating meat, it just wouldn't add up with me. However, you don't and you are happy and frankly being happy in your life is really all that matters...that and trying do your best to do no harm.

Linda in the Raw said...

Hey, thanks for posting on my blog. I'm just getting back into it as you can see!

Having a raw partner is HUGE! It def helps. Plus, being raw is about so may other things as well, higer consciousness, self improvement, the environment, ect that all go along with the raw mentality...

If you haven't already, check out caravan of dreams. It's casual but the food is great, tons of greens!

dea said...

Hi Anthony,

I am a raw vegan and I am married to a man who is a vegetarian. For the most part he eats what I eat but at lunchtime he really wants a plate of pasta. We live in Italy and people get a 4 hr break in the middle of the day and go back to work at 4:00pm. Sure its hard but slowly I have stopped buying cheese for him and the kids and no one is asking for it. I love him a lot and I cannot make him change. He has been changing on his own. He has a green smoothie for breakfast and a big salad for dinner. The pasta is a cultural thing and he isn't ready to let go.
I love your writing by the way, your sincerity comes across and I think we need more sincerity in the world. By the way although I love being in Italy sometimes I wish I were somewhere where I could find fresh coconuts, durian and mangoes. When I find a mango here where I live its like christmas for me! Many blessings
Dea xo

Anonymous said...

I'm in the fortuante situation to have a life partener who is also vegan. We made the transition together 3 years ago after reading the same books... And now, after living the benefits of raw foods, we are transitioning to that diet. Do I think I could ever be with a non-vegan? No, I do not. Call me close-minded, but I'd rather be single than sleep with somebody who has rotting flesh between their teeth and in their bowels! Having a non-vegan partener would be too much of a negative influence on my daily life. I could be just as happy as a single person, as I could with a partener who is (raw) vegan. There are many many people in this world who I could have a successful relationship, and I think the idea of a "soul mate" is far fetched. People are constantly changing and growing, and two people can either grow together or grow apart - both scenarios are okay. Being single does NOT mean being deprived. How can one expect to be happy with a partener if they cannot be happy alone?

Linda in the Raw said...

Anthony,

I had posted a comment here last week but it didn't post...

I basically gave my boyfriend an untimatum, go raw or I can't be with you. He did go raw, is feeling amazing, and our relationship has grown tremendously since then! It's hard enough being raw I just couldn't imagine having a meat eating/cooked food partner.

I also think that being raw goes beyond just dietary concerns. Being raw also brings about a psychological shift in values and beliefs. Am I right? Just my two cents but to me, raw is 50% about the diet... there are such bigger things in life that are revealed when our body and mind begins to become clear again!

Crystal said...

this post is incredibly inspiring. i think i've just made a major shift in the way i think about partnerships...ultimately it's about the way we limit ourselves (and what god intends for us) by settling into lives that just don't fit. congratulations.

happykatie said...

Wow, great post. As an occasional meat/cheese eater, my life has been tremendously impacted by my vegan husband. We've been brought so much closer together by cooking and enjoying food together - he has taught me so much about feeding my body and taking care of the world around me.

In the last couple of months, we've started making a gradual transition to going raw (a couple of meals a day, then a few days in a row) - and this has been really cool for our relationship. It's a tough choice making such a huge food paradigm shift. But you're right - doing it together makes it easier and even more significant.

So what I'm really wanting to say is don't give up on a partner just b/c they aren't raw, vegan, veg, etc. Sometimes we just need a little help and inspiration. :)

Deitra said...

Very interesting.. I agree about not giving up on a partner, however, I must be true to myself & how I am affected... Even with a cooked vegan partner, being raw, if I feel tempted, can I live with it or could I end up making an impulsive choice that wouldn't have happened had I not been exposed?

I don't wish to jeapordize my goals and it may take time until I'm strong enough to have a partner who is not raw. I need to be gentle with myself and sometimes the choice is difficult. This has become a glaring question as I date...My committment is to myself first.
Right now, fortunately, I don't have to decide!

My ideal cooked vegan mate, would empathetically eat 100% raw around me and eat cooked vegan when I'm not around...and declare a time to give my way a 100% chance for 60 days. I doubt I'd give up an 99.5%ideal partner over ideal food since an ideal partner is not as easy to find as organic produce.

Deitra said...

...forgot to mention.. it seems more of a challenge for me because even 99% raw people aren't raw enough for me.. I'm doing Doug Graham's 80-10-10 w/ NO salt, oils, vinegar, overt fats. Something about making previously non-foods into copycat versions was still not nurturing my body.

My ideal partner will give it a truly fair chance... that's all I ask.

Anonymous said...

"can you fully admire and respect them for the way they live their life, or would you prefer to be alone for a little while longer while searching for someone more in line with your lifestyle?"

Like picking shoes from a catalogue. Well, next season maybe they'll have the red trim, not the blue.
Using food to completely define yourself and others. "Look at all those uninformed SAD people!"

Being raw feels great.
Being an elitist feels even better, huh?
-Lucy

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